Oh please, dear Justin, please tell me you aren't what you looked like on the Sundance Film Festival special I was watching last night. Please tell me it was my imagination when I saw you mouthing off to reporters and scowling at photographers. Please, dear Justin, please tell me you aren't...
Say it ain't so Justin! This feeling has been whispering in my ear for a while now, but I ignored it because I had no evidence. No proof. I was hoping that maybe, just maybe you were not a jerk. But last night, while watching a show about the Sundance Film Festival, I saw you... acting like... an arrogant asshole. And this, following so shortly on the heels of me adding you to my love list! I had such high hopes for us Justin. But let me remind you of your performance in Alpha Dog. Humility is key darling. So, it's over between us. I'm dumping you Justin. Call me when you feel the sting of your fading star and I might give you a second chance.
It may be over between Justin and I, but there's always the first love of my life, Leonardo. Don't worry Leo, I will always love you. Even if I find out you're a jerk too. My love for you will not be abated. Despite all of the wholly unflattering pictures of you that turn up in tabloid magazines, I will not falter. Rest assured Leo, when the supermodels stop calling, I'll be here. Waiting for you. But not like a stalker. I'm just here.