Monday, February 4, 2008

oprah. here are my wildest dreams. your move.

Here's the thing: I love Oprah. I think she's an amazing human being. I'm sure she has her shortcomings, but I choose not to see them. I'm enamoured.

If you don't like Oprah, move on. This is not the blog for you.

I've often fantasized about being one of those people who is surprised by The Oprah Show arriving at their doorstep and then is promptly whisked off to Chicago to have all of their wildest dreams made to come true.

If Oprah should ever want to contact me for any reason, I hereby authorize Google/Blogger to give Ms. Oprah Winfrey all of my personal information, including my mother’s maiden name, the numbers to all of my bank accounts and whatever other information she wishes to have. (The same goes for Leonardo diCaprio for that matter).

If Oprah Winfrey (or Leonardo diCaprio) needs to contact me, for any reason, I want to make damn sure it happens.

So.

What was the point of this post?

Oh right, I love Oprah.

But wait… there’s some housekeeping I need to do here:

If Oprah Winfrey is going to show up at my doorstep and make all my wildest dreams come true, she should probably know what my wildest dreams are.

In no particular order, dear Oprah, I would love the following of my wildest dreams to come true:

1. World peace, an end to global warming (I love you Leo), a cure for cancer and/or all other horrible afflictions and ailments, plus, not only an end to poverty, but an exceptional standard of living and human rights for every individual on the planet with health, liberty and justice for all.

Failing that:

2. A long, healthy and happy life for our daughter, Csilla and the same for all of my friends and family and anyone who has ever read this blog.

Failing that, and moving on to the things that you, Oprah, might actually have some control over:

3. A trip to Chicago for a shopping spree, a day at the spa and a makeover, prior to a visit to The Oprah Show for the Oprah’s Favorite Things episode, followed by a very long and uninterrupted dinner with you, Oprah. (Notice I even spelled favourite without the “u”? I’ll do anything for you, Ms. Winfrey.)

4. The aforementioned, plus two tickets to The Oscars (sitting next to Leonardo diCaprio of course), including an Oscar fantasy red carpet makeover, a Valentino gown, Harry Winston jewels, admission to the Governor’s Ball and the Vanity Fair party, as well as tickets to your Live from the Oscars morning after show.

4a. A date with the aforementioned Leonardo diCaprio while I’m in Los Angeles would be nice too. We could “talk” about “saving the planet” [wink wink] while my husband looks after our beautiful daughter. I’m sure Balazs wouldn’t mind. After all, Leo is on “my list”.

5. The aforementioned, plus a donation large enough from you to the Gorilla Foundation so that I might have the opportunity to spend the day with Koko, the amazing gorilla who speaks sign language.

6. The aforementioned, plus all the arrangements, expenses and assistance needed in allowing me to travel to Rwanda to hike into the misty mountains where I can observe the last remaining mountain gorillas in their natural habitat.

7. The aforementioned, plus a yearlong, round-the-world cruise for myself and my family on board a luxury cruise liner.

8. The aforementioned, plus a small cottage on a secluded beach in Hawaii and enough cash to afford regular plane tickets.

9. The aforementioned, plus (speaking of cash) enough cash so that my husband and I could afford to continue our education in the direction of our desired pursuits, thereby improving the standard of living for our family in the future.

10. The aforementioned, plus a trust fund to cover all of Csilla’s future educational expenses.

11. The aforementioned, plus a day-long converstion with His Holiness the Dalai Lama.

12. The aforementioned, plus an invitation to any party planned by Colin Cowie.

13. The aforementioned, plus a home of our own. As much as I love living in my mother’s basement, I aspire to more. I don’t need much. Our family is small and we don’t covet huge quantities of material possessions (aside from the aforementioned), but a comfortable home in a nice neighbourhood would honestly be a dream come true.

14. The aforementioned home would of course, be much improved if decorated by the adorable cutie-pie Nate Berkus.

15. And last, but not least, if none of this can be made possible, my wildest dream would be to live simply, comfortably and contentedly for the rest of my healthy, long life.

What do you think Oprah? Is it too much? It was certainly an overuse of the word aforementioned… but that’s beside the point.

I remember once, Oprah, you did a Wildest Dreams Show where one woman got the equivalent of a new dress while another woman got a brand new home. I remember you suggesting to the poor woman who got the dress that she was probably kicking herself for not asking for more.

I'll never forget it. You said, “that’ll teach you not to dream big, because God has even bigger dreams for you then you have for yourself”.

So here I am, Ms. Winfrey. Putting my wildest dreams onto cyber-paper and sending them out into the universe. You just never know…

In the meantime, I’ll keep working on number fifteen all by myself.

1 comment:

Kimberly said...

That was both hilarious and inspiring at the same time.

I applied to be on Oprah through her website two years ago. I got a phone call about it even.

It was about depression and weight loss and so while I was questioned, I cried. Like, a lot.

They did not call back. ~sigh~