Earlier today I spent a ridiculous amount of time creating a post about awards. The entire time I was doing it I was frustrated because I wanted to be typing about some of the much weightier issues that have been on my mind lately. Strange to feel frustrated, I know, because the recognition of getting awards is so encouraging and handing them out gives me a chance to show my gratitude to all of the fabulous bloggers out there.
But, I don’t like the obligation I feel when awards roll around. Lately I’ve been spending what little time I have for blogging writing posts that are not in alignment with the goals and intentions I had when I started this blog.
As a result, I feel like my blog has been sucking lately too.
With this in mind, I thought it best to take stock, clarify why I write this blog and then try to stick to these goals with each post I write. In other words, I want to get back to basics.
So. Here’s why I blog:
1. To record “scrapbookable” moments
I’d heard of blogs before, but the first time I thought it sounded like a worthwhile pursuit was in reference to scrapbooking. Before I started blogging, I knew of scrapbookers who would use the contents of their blog posts directly on their scrapbook pages. It seemed like a really good idea, considering at the time I was collecting tidbits of conversations and snippets of my days on slips of paper that I kept in a box. Sometimes I would forget to write the dates on the papers, sometimes I would loose a slip of paper, or sometimes my notes on the pages were so archaic or poorly scribbled that when it came time to use the information I had no idea what it meant. Blogging seemed like a good solution to this problem.
With this intention in mind, I would like my blog posts to better reflect snippets of my days. In particular, I want to write more posts about my time with Csilla and the cute things she says and does every day. Furthermore, I aspire to keep my posts short and sweet (yeah right), so I have more time to actually scrapbook this stuff. I will not worry about writing four or five posts in one day if that’s what it takes to “jot down” a memory or an experience. I also won’t feel bad about it if readers don’t comment on every post. I know I don’t have time to read every post on other people’s blogs, so I will not expect others to do the same on mine.
2. To record my life and travel memoirs
Surprisingly, I’ve never been very good about keeping a journal, or writing stories about my life or my travels. I’m very interested in genealogy and wish I had more of family history in writing. I’d love to know more about the day-to-day life of my ancestors and how they lived. I started a second blog called Memoirs of a Guppy Fish, where I planned on writing some of my memoirs, but lately I’ve been so bogged down in random, meaningless posts here at Laughing Alone in the Dark, that I haven’t posted a single thing there in ages.
With this intention in mind, I’d like to focus my energy on writing at least one post per month for my memoirs blog. These will definitely not be short and sweet, but they will serve the purpose of helping me to record my memories.
3. To relieve Mommy-angst
As you all know, I have a few issues with being a stay-at-home mom. I believed starting a blog might be a good way of venting my frustrations and perhaps getting some advice from other moms who were going through the same thing. I wanted to use it as a sounding board so-to-speak. So far, this aspect of my blog has been a great success. I feel very supported and appreciated. In fact, I feel much less angsty on a daily basis as a result of all the wonderful feedback and comments received here. Thanks to you all.
With this intention in mind, I will continue to write about any daily little frustration that pops into my head. It’s a wonderful tool to help me cope with my long and sometimes boring days at home with a three-year-old. I’m always surprised at how kind everyone is when I decide to have a bitch-fest over my somewhat idyllic life. Especially when I visit other blogs where people have real problems. Being bored once in a while would probably be a nice change for some.
4. To find The Happy Girl
This intention directly relates to the aforementioned intention. I used to be a bubbly happy person and then somewhere along the way I lost it. One of my intentions with this blog was to track my journey towards becoming The Happy Girl again. Upon reflection, I think this is actually working. On a day-to-day basis, I really do feel happier. Balazs and I are getting along better and I’m learning to relax and enjoy my current stay-at-home-mom status instead of struggling against it all the time.
With this intention in mind, I will continue to write about The Happy Girl and the steps I am actively taking to ensure she grows and flourishes.
That’s about it.
These were my four main intentions when I started this blog. And if you scan back a few weeks on my blog, you’ll notice that many of my posts don’t fit into any of these categories.
So. Time to get back on track.
Although, I will confess to a few other things that I enjoy about blogging that weren’t part of my original intentions which have now become additional goals for this blog.
5. Play with graphic design
I’ve always loved design, colour and fonts, so the process of designing my blog, the header and the layout has been a nice bonus to this blogging thing. With this goal in mind, I will continue to play with design, logos and photography on my blog.
6. Practice writing
A few years ago I wrote a couple of screenplays and discovered my love of writing. Before then, I’d never written anything in a creative capacity before. I didn’t even take creative writing in high school. I had no idea when I started this blog that the writing aspect would be so enjoyable for me. With this goal in mind, I will stop apologizing for extraordinarily long posts. It’s so hard for me to focus on writing for myself without thinking about “my audience”, but I will strive to write FOR. MYSELF. Full. Stop.
7. Connect with the outside world
It didn’t even occur to me when I started this blog that anyone would even read it, so getting to know other bloggers has been a huge surprise and a blessing. However, this aspect of blogging is a double-edged sword for me. Cultivating and maintaining these relationships is rewarding, yet time consuming, and unfortunately I don’t have a lot of time on my hands. Csilla does not take naps during the day and rarely goes to bed early in the evening. She’s like the energizer bunny, without the need for rechargeable batteries. She just keeps going and going and going, which leaves me about two hours in the evening to do everything I can’t do while I’m taking care of her (properly - like not letting her watch television all day). Each evening I try to squeeze in my favourite television shows, some scrapbooking, maybe some reading, perhaps some bathing and, of course, far too much blogging.
Trying to fit all of this in invariably leaves me sleep deprived and unhappy. So here’s the part of the post where I tell everyone that I need to stop worrying so much about keeping up with everyone else’s blog. I’m going to read what I have time to read and stop worrying whether or not I’ve given enough attention to other blogs in order to keep those bloggers interested in me. If you read my blog and stick around regardless of whether or not I have time to visit your blog, I appreciate it. Thanks. Having said that, if I spend more time focusing on my blog instead of everyone else’s blog then maybe you’ll visit here because of the great entertainment value you get instead of my reciprocated love. Which leads me to…
8. Be funny.
A very surprising offshoot of this blogging thing in the notion that I might be funny. I am genuinely caught off guard when people tell me I made them laugh or said something witty. I would love to spend more time cultivating this newly discovered part of my personality.
So with this goal in mind, I will try to be more funny. Like, right now…
Hmpf. I got nothin’.
Oh well, maybe I’ll save my best material for another post.
That’s about all I wanted to ramble on about right now. I suppose, in a very roundabout way, the point of this whole post was to say that you might find me respectfully declining awards or refusing to post memes in the next little while. Although they’re fun, I feel they take away from the intentions of my blog. I need this blog to have a purpose that suits my needs and sometimes the time I spend on giving and receiving awards (or, as of late, writing memes) frustrates me. And I hate to be frustrated. So thanks, but no thanks to awards and memes. With all due respect of course…
Thanks for listening and have a fabulous day!!