Sunday, May 4, 2008

no joke.

When my friend and I backpacked around Europe in 1994 we heard a lot of good jokes. Thinking I would remember them, I wrote only the punchlines in my journal. I've forgotten the jokes, but the punchlines still make me laugh:

1. I am Pierre zee famous French fighter pilot and when I go down I go down in flames!
2. Oh no! I'm going to have puppies!
3. I am fucking disgusted and my friend is deep in despair.
4. Oh, Malcolm!
5. If ten shots of bourbon won't kill this taste in my mouth nothing will.
6. No you're not. You're going to eat me just like the story tells you to.
7. Surprise!

Last night, out of nowhere, #7 had me laughing alone in the dark. I think I may need to have my head examined.

ps - If you happen to know the jokes that go with these punchlines, feel free to share them in my comments. Oh, and sorry if the swearing lowered the high regard in which you previously held me.


Tammy said...

Funny thing is I reember the punchline from number 1 I jsut can't think of the joke either!!!

Jan said...

I have nothing for you. I have never heard any of them. Sorry. But glad you could get a laugh out of the memories.

aims said...

#6 has something to do with red riding hood and big bad wolf....

:-Daryl said...

My favorite joke punchline for which I do not know the joke is:

No soap. Radio.

Whateverthefuck THAT means .. and swearing is not bad .. not as bad as some other things .. :-Daryl

Maggie May said...

Don't know any of the jokes, sorry! Not like you to lower the tone of the place! Well really ............!

Aoj & The Lurchers said...

*snort* only you could make me laugh by giving me a punchline without the joke!!

Jennifer H said...

You need to Google all the punchlines, my friend, and report back.

Swearing is almost essential to getting through life.

A sailor

CrazyCath said...

#3 has me giggling. Then #4, then #5...

It must be my warped mind. Don't know the jokes though...

Angella said...


You must Google them and share. The punchlines are funny alone, but I am guessing that the jokes will only make them funnier :)

Kaycie said...

I love the swearing. I believe swearing regularly keeps me sane. Pretty much.

I can never remember jokes. Ever.

ciara said...

totally clueless on the jokes...don't even think i've heard most of these punchlines either. i guess i'm a total bore lol

Jen said...

LOL. #6 is one of my most favorite jokes ever. . . Let's see if I can tell it right.

So, Little Red Riding Hood was going to visit her grandmother. She's skipping along in the forest and singing "la dee da dee da" when she comes along a turtle who tells her:

The big bad wolf is looking for you and he's gonna give you a big wet sloppy kiss". . .

To which Little Red Riding Hood says, "He better not!" and skips on her way.

Off she goes singing, "la dee da dee da" and comes along a chipmunk who says:

"The big bad wolf is looking for you and is gonna give you a big wet sloppy kiss". . .

Again to which Little Red Riding Hood says, "he better NOT" and goes skipping away.

She continues to skip towards her grandmother's house when SUDDENLY, out jumps the big bad wolf and says:

"I'm the big bad wolf and I'm gonna give you a big wet sloppy kiss!!"

Little Red Riding Hood pulls out a gun and points it at the big bad wolf and says:

"No, you're gonna eat me like the story says!!"


I probably didn't tell it as well as you remember it, but it's pretty funny! I'm just so tired and hope I wrote it right. I'm looking forward to others leaving the jokes to the rest of the punch lines!!

Anonymous said...

Pierre the famous french fighter pilot is in town and as ever has female company for the evening. When they get back to Pierre's pad, they get down to it.

Pierre takes out a bottle of red wine, pours them both a glass, and comments:

"I am Pierre ze famous French fighter pilot and when I taste red meat, I want red wine"

As things progress, Pierre takes out a bottle of white wine, removes the lady's bra and pours it over her breasts.

"What are you doing?" she giggles

"I am Pierre ze famous French fighter pilot and when I have white meat, I want white wine"

And so they continue...

He moves south, removes her panties, takes out a bottle of brandy, pours it all over her crotch and sets fire to it.


You know the rest....

3. (short version). It's an 'emotion' party. People come to the door, dressed all in Green (Envy), Red (anger) etc. Then the doorbell goes and the host is faced with two big west indians totally naked, except for a bowl of custard for one, and a pear for the other.
'Wtf?' he asks
'What emotions are you guys?'

cue punchline...

Carolyn said...

Grrrrr. Anonymous please identify yourself so I can say thank you!!

#1 I remembered parts of this one, but thanks for filling in the blanks.

#3 was one of my favourite punch lines but I just couldn't for the life of me remember the joke. I knew it was a take on "fucking this custard and deep in this pear"... but the context was completely lost to me.

Thanks!! You've given me a great laugh.