Disclaimer - profanities and ranting ahead... proceed with caution. Viewer discretion advised.
I wanted to write an enormous rant post today, but I couldn't decide on what to complain about first or most, so I watched a movie instead. And then I contemplated saving it for later, but now I can't sleep, so here it is in list form (which sometimes helps me keep it short):
1. This weather is seriously getting me down. I don't know if I can face another summer without any actual, you know, summer. We didn't have one last year and this one isn't shaping up to be any better. I wore my down-filled winter coat today. My winter coat. Winter. The warm one. With down in it. And I was still a little bit cold. Are you effing kidding me? Balazs actually told Csilla we were going to get a Christmas tree this weekend and she believed him. Damn. Now I have to explain why Santa won't be here for another six months. Probably every day, for the next six months, I will have to explain why Santa isn't here yet. Thanks Balazs. You'll be at work all day while I'm fielding constant and repeated questions about some fat jolly dude in a red suit. Csilla has a mind like a steel trap. Once you tell her something she never forgets it. Especially if it has anything to do with sugar, candy, presents or Santa. Call me pissed off.
2. We just dropped over $4,000 on airline tickets to Hungary today. I should be really excited about the trip, but it's $4,000 we really don't have. Why are tickets so damn expensive? Crap. I feel like holding a charity fundraiser for myself. I used to love travelling, but now it really stresses me out. There is so much more involved when you travel with a child and I am not looking forward to travelling 15 or 16 long, stressful and exhausting hours with a 3-year-old wiggle-fart as my constant companion. Maybe I should start the sugar-detox with her now so we get all the withdrawal symptoms out of the way early.
3. Speaking of sugar. I think Csilla has a cavity. I'm super upset and pissed off about it. Perhaps it could have something to do with her insatiable lust for sugary treats. Hell. I can only say no so many times a day before start to I lose my mind. Seriously kid. Enough. No. No. No. No. No. No. No! You cannot have another (insert sweet treat here) instead of eating your dinner. No! I actually had to tell Csilla she would go to bed hungry tonight before I would give her any more crap to eat today instead of real food. She cried. I felt like shit. What are you gonna do?
4. Perhaps Csilla's cavity also has something to do with her monumental resistance to teeth brushing. If I have to forcibly brush her teeth while she throws a tantrum one more time I'm going to stab myself in the eye with a toothbrush.
5. I had two visits yesterday with girlfriends. I saw one friend at lunch and two friends at dinner. This should sound like a good thing. Especially because these three women are three of my best friends in the whole world and yet I felt like shit about it today. I felt like shit because all I did during both get-togethers was talk about myself. Me. Me. Me. Me. Me. Bleh. I did not stop talking for more than five minutes both at lunch and at dinner. I hate myself when I do this. Hate. Myself. The lovely quote about silence I posted a few days ago was actually a reminder mantra to myself in preparation for these two girlfriend get togethers. It did not work. I suck.
6. I've been contemplating an exciting endeavour involving photography, but it's only serving to piss me off just like everything else I long to do in my life right now. I have no time. None. I never get any time to do the things I want to do and I'm sick of it. I enjoy my hobbies and I want to spend time doing them, but my life just eats away at my time and the only way I get to do things I want to do is if I stay up into the middle of the night to do them. I always have to choose between sleep or things that bring me joy. I hate making that choice every day.
7. Balazs is trying to sleep and just stormed in here to yell at me about my furious and loud typing. Great. As if I wasn't in a bad enough mood. Now I feel like sleeping on the couch too. F**K.
8. I feel like selling most of my possessions on craigslist because we have run out of room in our house. It's just not big enough, but since there is no hope of us upgrading to a larger space, the only option is to purge. Our house looks tidy, but only because every available inch of storage space is jammed to the gills with crap. I don't even know what half of it is. I just want to back up a big truck to the house and load it blindfolded with a bunch of useless crap and let someone drive it away. I'm thisclose to doing it. If one more thing falls out of a cupboard and onto my toe... so help me... I'm calling someone with a big effing truck and a penchant for useless crap. Try me can of tuna. Just try me.
9. I would start #8 by loading up the truck with all the useless toys I overindulge Csilla with because I can't seem to say no to her. She doesn't play with any of it anyway, so why should she care if I get rid of it? Does anyone need a Mr. Potato Head?
10. I pride myself on not being materialistic and yet I'm constantly buying new things for Csilla. I've spent maybe $30 on new clothes for myself in the past 6 months, but I buy new clothes for Csilla almost every week. She's growing fast, but not that fast. Why can't I resist buying things for her?
11. Csilla is the pickiest frickin eater on the planet. I'm tired of making the same boring-assed meals for her every day and still having her refuse to eat them. If I make something flavourful, it's too flavourful and she hates it. If I make something bland, it's too bland and she hates it. She wants nothing to do with vegetables. Even when I try to hide them in her food. I'm embarrassed when we go for lunch at a friend's house and her 2-year-old child will eat all the vegetables and food that Csilla flat-out refuses to eat. It's. So. Frustrating.
This list is getting stupider by the minute. I'm embarrassing myself, so I'll stop now. Don't feel the need to comment. Unless you have something really constructive to say. It will only exacerbate my embarrassment.
Rant over. Bye.