Thursday, June 12, 2008

thar she blows!

Disclaimer - profanities and ranting ahead... proceed with caution. Viewer discretion advised.

I wanted to write an enormous rant post today, but I couldn't decide on what to complain about first or most, so I watched a movie instead. And then I contemplated saving it for later, but now I can't sleep, so here it is in list form (which sometimes helps me keep it short):

1. This weather is seriously getting me down. I don't know if I can face another summer without any actual, you know, summer. We didn't have one last year and this one isn't shaping up to be any better. I wore my down-filled winter coat today. My winter coat. Winter. The warm one. With down in it. And I was still a little bit cold. Are you effing kidding me? Balazs actually told Csilla we were going to get a Christmas tree this weekend and she believed him. Damn. Now I have to explain why Santa won't be here for another six months. Probably every day, for the next six months, I will have to explain why Santa isn't here yet. Thanks Balazs. You'll be at work all day while I'm fielding constant and repeated questions about some fat jolly dude in a red suit. Csilla has a mind like a steel trap. Once you tell her something she never forgets it. Especially if it has anything to do with sugar, candy, presents or Santa. Call me pissed off.

2. We just dropped over $4,000 on airline tickets to Hungary today. I should be really excited about the trip, but it's $4,000 we really don't have. Why are tickets so damn expensive? Crap. I feel like holding a charity fundraiser for myself. I used to love travelling, but now it really stresses me out. There is so much more involved when you travel with a child and I am not looking forward to travelling 15 or 16 long, stressful and exhausting hours with a 3-year-old wiggle-fart as my constant companion. Maybe I should start the sugar-detox with her now so we get all the withdrawal symptoms out of the way early.

3. Speaking of sugar. I think Csilla has a cavity. I'm super upset and pissed off about it. Perhaps it could have something to do with her insatiable lust for sugary treats. Hell. I can only say no so many times a day before start to I lose my mind. Seriously kid. Enough. No. No. No. No. No. No. No! You cannot have another (insert sweet treat here) instead of eating your dinner. No! I actually had to tell Csilla she would go to bed hungry tonight before I would give her any more crap to eat today instead of real food. She cried. I felt like shit. What are you gonna do?

4. Perhaps Csilla's cavity also has something to do with her monumental resistance to teeth brushing. If I have to forcibly brush her teeth while she throws a tantrum one more time I'm going to stab myself in the eye with a toothbrush.

5. I had two visits yesterday with girlfriends. I saw one friend at lunch and two friends at dinner. This should sound like a good thing. Especially because these three women are three of my best friends in the whole world and yet I felt like shit about it today. I felt like shit because all I did during both get-togethers was talk about myself. Me. Me. Me. Me. Me. Bleh. I did not stop talking for more than five minutes both at lunch and at dinner. I hate myself when I do this. Hate. Myself. The lovely quote about silence I posted a few days ago was actually a reminder mantra to myself in preparation for these two girlfriend get togethers. It did not work. I suck.

6. I've been contemplating an exciting endeavour involving photography, but it's only serving to piss me off just like everything else I long to do in my life right now. I have no time. None. I never get any time to do the things I want to do and I'm sick of it. I enjoy my hobbies and I want to spend time doing them, but my life just eats away at my time and the only way I get to do things I want to do is if I stay up into the middle of the night to do them. I always have to choose between sleep or things that bring me joy. I hate making that choice every day.

7. Balazs is trying to sleep and just stormed in here to yell at me about my furious and loud typing. Great. As if I wasn't in a bad enough mood. Now I feel like sleeping on the couch too. F**K.

8. I feel like selling most of my possessions on craigslist because we have run out of room in our house. It's just not big enough, but since there is no hope of us upgrading to a larger space, the only option is to purge. Our house looks tidy, but only because every available inch of storage space is jammed to the gills with crap. I don't even know what half of it is. I just want to back up a big truck to the house and load it blindfolded with a bunch of useless crap and let someone drive it away. I'm thisclose to doing it. If one more thing falls out of a cupboard and onto my toe... so help me... I'm calling someone with a big effing truck and a penchant for useless crap. Try me can of tuna. Just try me.

9. I would start #8 by loading up the truck with all the useless toys I overindulge Csilla with because I can't seem to say no to her. She doesn't play with any of it anyway, so why should she care if I get rid of it? Does anyone need a Mr. Potato Head?

10. I pride myself on not being materialistic and yet I'm constantly buying new things for Csilla. I've spent maybe $30 on new clothes for myself in the past 6 months, but I buy new clothes for Csilla almost every week. She's growing fast, but not that fast. Why can't I resist buying things for her?

11. Csilla is the pickiest frickin eater on the planet. I'm tired of making the same boring-assed meals for her every day and still having her refuse to eat them. If I make something flavourful, it's too flavourful and she hates it. If I make something bland, it's too bland and she hates it. She wants nothing to do with vegetables. Even when I try to hide them in her food. I'm embarrassed when we go for lunch at a friend's house and her 2-year-old child will eat all the vegetables and food that Csilla flat-out refuses to eat. It's. So. Frustrating.

This list is getting stupider by the minute. I'm embarrassing myself, so I'll stop now. Don't feel the need to comment. Unless you have something really constructive to say. It will only exacerbate my embarrassment.

Rant over. Bye.


softinthehead said...

bummer!! :)

Carla Marion Peritz said...

You sound overwhelmed. When I get like this, (which..wait, I AM like this!) it helps me to make a list of everything I want/need to get done. Everything. No matter how lame it may seem. And when the urge hits me I pick one, do it, cross it off the list and move on to the next. It feels so great to look at that stupid list and see all those lines and know that even though I feel like a loser, I've actually DONE matter how tiny.

Daryl said...

I will share the cost of the dumpster with you ... but you need to come toss my crap out. Of course you'll probably need to fight Husband over the gagillion computer and other electronic cables and wires AND the boxes .. he even saves the frickin' boxes of things he no longer has ... aaaaaaaaaargh.

As for Csilla's eating habits ... go with the flow .. except for the sweets .. maybe a compromise of eat veggies and then get a sweet? I was the worlds worst eater and both my mother and I survived it ..

And honestly making a list is one way to let some of the stress go ...



Kimberly said...

Rant away babe...we need to let the pressure off sometimes to forestall the exploding (which is just plain messy, trust me, been there).

Constructive ideas include the book Deceptively Delicious which involves sneaked fruit and veggies into innocent looking foods like pancakes and muffins and whatnot. Recognizing that if one of your friends was feeling as crappy and frustrated as you are right now you'd be kind and generous enough to indulge their need to talk (and talk and talk and talk - I do that all the time, by the way, so understand what you mean by that). Stress of traveling with child?, so rough. Might be making you extra tetchy with your hubby too. That's a big sacrifice to be making. As for the stuff, go with your current inclination and toss it. A simpler life is a happier life, it really is. I'm only half way there myself (probably have a metric tonne of crap left here), but already feeling better.

As for the picky eating? It's amazing what kids can survive. I was the pickiest most sweet loving kiddo alive and I turned out (mostly) okay. Eat pretty darn healthy these days. I even like broccoli now. Csilla may have the issue I had, which is oversensitive taste buds. Makes taste experiences very, very intense. I know my mum wanted to wring my neck on more than one occasion, it's a rough situation. I want to say "keeping plugging along" or something, but I'm afraid you might want to wring my neck for that kind of talk. After all, that's what you -have- been doing, and it doesn't do a gal's sanity much good, does it?

I'm sorry you're so overwhelmed, but so glad you have a blog, and loving readers who can support you and love you no matter how angry and horrible you feel. ~hugs~

aims said...

Hey!! I think I did that yesterday when I was out having lunch with another blogger. I was so overtired that I just blabbed and blabbed and never thought about it until this morning. And now I see you're doing it too! Overtired hon?

As for the crap in the house. My brother told me something one day that has stuck in my brain ever since. He told me 'you've enjoyed this stuff for long enough - give it to charity so that someone else can enjoy it too. Imagine how much they'll appreciate that.'

It worked I tell you. It really helped me say goodbye to tons of stuff I had enjoyed.

Now - my door is open if you want to come for a break. Always open sweetiepie.

Kaycie said...

Rant away, darlin.

You're in love with your first born. She's spoiled. So's my little girl. So much more spoiled than the boys. It's a mama/daughter thing, I think. Since the moment she was born I've spent more money on her clothing than mine. Her last prom dress cost more than my wedding dress. Oh yes it did. Heck, I've probably spent more on her clothing this year than I spend on myself in three or four years.

Good news on the eating: it gets better as they age. Try a "no thank you" bite. That was my best tool ever. If you can get them to take just one bite, sometimes they discover something new that they like.

As far as the too much stuff, I'm no help. The only way I have every remedied that is to buy a bigger house. Probably not the best way to deal with it!

ciara said...

wow, i'm sorry you're going through all that. life sucks sometimes and it doesn't help when the weather affects our moods either.

i used to always indulge my kids w toys, too...then i finally stopped. i don't know how i did it to be honest. maybe it was because i got tired of cleaning up all the crap. as far as picky eaters...i have two picky eaters in the house. my 11 yr old and my stepson, who is the most picky eater. when my husband and i first got married he would let my stepson have something else to eat if he didn't like what was for dinner. i put a stop to that like quick. everyday i would get asked by my stepson what's for dinner? then i finally just kept saying food. i told my husband that from now on none of the kids will get alternatives to dinner. if they don't like it then they could go hungry. sounds cruel i know...but kids don't want to go w/o food. it's been almost 4 yrs now, and they don't do that anymore. i mean at toddler age it's one thing, but when you're 9, 7, and 5...i don't think so.

i wish i could purge and get rid of crap. i have a bad habit of holding on to things i think i 'might need' in the future. i have thrown a lot of things away in the last couple months, but still too much junk around here. :-/

LingoVise Says... said...

Woman! You are so preaching to the converted here... Amen!

Teeth Brushing... oh good heavens. My son is 2.5 and hates.hates.hates it. What do I do? I sit on him. I first try the civilized approach - sometimes if he's watching a movie I can sneak it in there. Otherwise I put in the ear plugs and wrestle him to the floor, sit on top of him and brush like I'm Mario Andretti - really, really fast. I'm pretty sure my Mom would be horrified to discover that - but I can't help it. Moss Mouth totally disgusts me and I just won't allow anyone with it to snuggle up to me. Eeww.

Picky Eating... I AM the worst. I don't like foods for all sorts of reasons - beit taste, smell or most of all texture. Liquid diets work great for picky eaters... Fruit Smoothies with yogurt or tofu (also great served as popsicles), V8's new fruit/veggie blend (also great frozen), Carnation Instant Breakfast - I mix one to two packets per half gallon of milk. My girlfriend is having terrific luck with the Seinfeld book recommended above.

Non Sweet Treats: Freeze dried fruits... all the kids I know love'em! Frozen Grapes are another sure fire hit.

Too Much Crap... lordy, lordy. Unless you're a stark raving Minimalist, everyone suffers from that one. I've actually got a half typed draft done on that very topic... I'll polish it up and get it posted, who knows it might work as well for you as it has for me.

How's that for a long winded comment ;)

A side note: seeing a fellow Swearintologist exsercing some colorful language to help expel her frustrations makes my day! :)

MamaGeek said...

I can just sense the stress through my monitor. Here's hoping the sun comes out tomorrow my friend. Well that and I hope your wiggle-fart is good on the plane!

And yes, start the detox! :)

Anyway, I feel ya.

Jennifer H said...

First of all, buy some good earplugs for your hubby, and then type to your heart's content. And tell him that Christmas tree nonsense is just uncalled for. Grr.

I have one good eater and one picky eater. My picky eater won't even touch watermelon. Watermelon! What's better than that? So I feel your pain. It will get better. (even my son is better now than he used to be)

Hang in there with all the other stuff. On the flight to Hungary, take a personal DVD player and at least one battery backup. If you don't want to buy one just for this, borrow one from a friend. Take some DVDs and you'll thank me later.

Wish I could send about 20 degrees (at least) of our hot damn weather your way. It's been at least 100 this week.


Angella said...

Hooray for rants!

Didn't you feel better getting it off of your chest? I know I always feel better after a rant :)

I understand many of your frustrations, and was nodding my head along with you.

My kids are ALSO picky eaters. Graham is FINALLY branching out, but he's 5 1/2. So there's hope still :)

i am here to help said...

aah, but that's exactly why we need to write them out, yes? then we can see how dramatic (maybe) we are being, and shift our perspectives accordingly. otherwise we shall stay stuck forever in that icky place. everyone needs an outlet, lest we keep it inside and let it devour us alive. the evil tentacles of withholding.

fortunately, the following statement is always true: this too shall pass.

warm snuggles,

Suzanne said...

You've gotten some great advice here, so there's not a lot I can add, other than my encouragement that ranting here on your blog is a great outlet, especially when it leads to friendly advice.

I love to de-clutter because crowded spaces make me really nervous. You'd probably be amazed that if you boxed up half the toys, extra clothes that aren't being worn, duplicate pots and pans, you'd be amazed at how much space you free up and how freeing it feels.

Hope you're feeling better soon.

The Donald said...

THAT was an excellent rant. Well placed expletives were used just at the right time.

Clutter is annoying. That is why every three months, we go into our girls playroom after they are asleep, and get rid of everything that they have not touched in a while. Then we take it to goodwill so some other poor sap can buy it and have it filling up their abode.

And maybe a trip to the Dentist's chair and the big grinding drill might turn her towards vegies.

I am glad I cliked here from Jan's blog.

oh ya 4000 $#*& dollars to go to Hungary? What are they, the type of tickets where you get to have your own private suite with someone feeding you grapes while you lounge about??

Jan said...

I admire your ability to rant. I really do.

It's the perfect title too.

I have some ranting inside myself today. Not so much on the issues of yours, but nonetheless, rants inside.

Sorry, but your daughter sounds completely normal. I understand alot of those frustrating moments. Even the feeling of being completely tied down and the feeling of missing out on something. I have thought even the fleeing word before. I know deeply.

I hope that you are having a better day today. I truly do.

Kelli @ Gohn Crazy said...

I think I love you. *L*
Seriously I could have written 99% of this. I so understand.
The sugar, the crap upon crap upon loads of crap, the no time to pursue anything you really find joy in other than if you were to do it in the middle of the night. I will someday be able to focus on getting my business started.
But I just wanted to say. I get it. And I've really wondered about that book about hiding the veggies in the food - for myself *blush* and my kids. It's a bummer to hear that your daughter can catch most all of them.

Jules said...

I am totally in awe of your rantablitity talent. You've said it all in the perfect way. Sometimes it helps just to get everything off your chest.
And I'm one of those that had to hold a kid down to brush teeth. For three years. Now we've graduated to holding down to put sunscreen on (mine call it sunscream).

Corey~living and loving said...

You rocked that rant baby! :)

i hear you on several of those.

I have a fear of I don't do too bad on the buying of stuff, but after 12 years on the same small house...I have needed to do my fair share of purging. It always feels GREAT!

Have you tried letting Csila brush your teeth? then it is your turn to brush hers?

oh and we finally got a decent sunny day here today, and I forgot the sunscreen. I don't know how...but I got a small sunburn and Sugar didn't! whew.....

Hugs to you! hope the days are better soon!

Tammy said...

I think when you have kids it always happens. i lvoe to write, but do I get a chance. NOOOOO!!!! I always ahve to type up this report or that one. I always ahve to help with a project, rad to them, hear complaints about my cooking and store truckloads of useless things because I am too tired to actually got through them. You are not alone sister!!!