Thursday, July 17, 2008

anxiety clarification.

A huge thank you to everybody who sent a comment or email about my last post. I truly appreciate your advice and I will take heed of every word.

However, I felt the need to clarify something...

Whilst I appreciate and understand some suggestions that I should "meditate" or "just breathe", my symptoms of anxiety are beyond such remedies. In fact, the last time we travelled, I was still nursing Csilla and medication was not an option. I spent a considerable amount of effort meditating and breathing in order to relieve my anxiety. I actually thought I had it under control, but as soon as we took flight, my stress went through the roof, my insides started doing somersaults and I was totally incapacitated again. Although I feel like I should have no problem controlling my anxiety with breathing, when the moment is actually upon me, I can't seem to do it successfully.

Please don't regard this clarification as a slight against any one's kind and thoughtful advice.

My only reason for saying this is because I didn't want people to think I was skipping straight to some "easy" answer (such as prescription medication) without trying to control my problem in some other ultimately healthier fashion. And in light of this, I especially appreciate some of the homeopathic remedies suggested as I truly don't want to take any prescribed medication if I don't have to.

One person (who may wish to remain anonymous) sent me an email that specifically addressed the reasons for her own similar anxieties. I thought it was interesting because she said that it wasn't until she felt she had something to lose that the problem arose.

Fear was at the heart of the issue. Fear of losing something precious.

I feel exactly the same way. Although I loved and appreciated my life before I had Csilla, now that I have her, I get extreme bouts of anxiety and panic if I allow my mind to go even close to a place where her safety is in jeopardy.

It downright scares the crap out of me.

I used to travel all over the world and now I have trouble travelling across town without being irrationally concerned for Csilla's safety. Or mine for that matter. I need to be here for her and panic at the thought of anything happening that would prevent me from caring for my baby.

We have created a nice cocoon for ourselves and travelling on an airplane (thereby taking us outside that cocoon) sends my imagination into overdrive. All of the "what ifs" send my mind reeling and I can't seem to get it under control. I guess this is normal for a mother who desperately loves her child, but finding a healthy solution to my anxiety would definitely be useful. I need to focus on my love for Csilla and not let my fears and negativity control me.

Anyway, I'm rambling, but I felt the need to explain myself. Thank you for all your kind words and advice. What an awesome bunch of people you all are.

(btw - Ironically, my doctor was sick yesterday and cancelled the appointment. I'll keep you posted on future developments. Thanks again!!)

(Edit - yes, Potty Mummy, thank you for the suggestion. I actually have seen a psychologist. I touched on it here. In fact, this exact travel anxiety problem was the reason my doctor gave me a referral to her in the first place. My doctor said talk therapy has done wonders for people with anxiety problems and I would agree. I loved my psychologist, but to be honest I find my blog cheaper and more convenient. And unfortunately I can't bring either of them on the airplane with me!)


Potty Mummy said...

It's probably not a short-term solution, so you will probably disregard it, but have you thought of having counselling? Personally I find it helps enormously to talk to a professional with no axe to grind and an unbiased point of view.

Two years after I started going to help me get over post-natal depression I still go every now and again - just to have a good moan and keep me on an even keel. And, I'm happy to admit it, give me some affirmative feedback. If you can find the right person, try it - you won't be sorry.

ped crossing said...

When we were just on a plane with the boys for the first time, I reminded myself that they were safer in a plane than in the car on the way to the airport. At least statistically.

I have the opposite problem. I do the what if scenarios to come up with solutions so I feel ready for any situation. My husband does enough worrying for the both of us, so I tend to just assume everything will be okay. And if it isn't, I probably have already what ifed it and have a solution ready.

Kimberly said... interesting to trace the anxiety back to it's source in fear! I sure hope you're able to overcome it and enjoy your trip!

coastrat said...

Sounds like you are feeling somewhat better about air travel, and that's good. You'll be OK.

Jen said...

Oh man. I hope you are able to see your doctor soon. Just to help put you somewhat at ease and see what he says or does. I'm feeling for you, truly TRULY I am! Like I've said before, it's the 'what if's' now that we have kids that cause the panic to set in. I'm curious to see what your doctor says.

Tammy said...

What it boils down to is to talk to your pwn physiscian and do what is best for you. If you have tried everything else then yes...go for the good ol' medication. I am sure that he will find something suitable. I used to not worry, but when sicne kid I worry about them every minute of every day. It's normal. You'll make it! I promise you!!!