Moving on from all the high anxiety crap...
Before I had a child, little white lies made me feel queasy. I'm honest to a fault. I don't like to lie. Not about anything. Of course, I've done it, but I've never felt okay with it. Besides. I don't have a strong enough memory to be a good liar. I'm sure I'd trip myself up with a sequence of lies before I even got out of the gate.
Now that I have Csilla I have become a pathological liar.
I had no idea motherhood required so much blatant dishonesty. Don't believe me? Here are just a few of the lies I have told Csilla recently:
THE QUESTION: Who ate the last cupcake Mama? I thought you were saving it for me.
THE LIE: Oh honey, I'm sorry, but the cupcake went mouldy so Mama had to throw it away.
THE TRUTH: Mama is a greedy pig and ate it in one big bite before you could get your grubby little paws on it. Before you came along, Mama got to eat a dozen cupcakes at her leisure with no competition whatsoever. Now I have to inhale cupcakes while you're not looking.
THE QUESTION: Mama? I don't want to go to the dentist to have my cavity fixed. Will it hurt?
THE LIE: No sweetheart. It won't hurt at all! The dentist will be very gentle. In fact, it will be lots of fun because your dentist has an office made especially for kids with lots of toys and fun things to do.
THE TRUTH: Going to the dentist sucks, kid. Mama is going to get hopped-up on Tylenol before we go so that she can numb the stress and kill the impending headache. You're probably going to be miserable and Mama doesn't want to face it.
THE QUESTION: Are you going to bed now too Mama? I don't want to go to bed because I don't want to miss anything!
THE LIE: Yes honey. Mama is going to bed as soon as you fall asleep. You're not going to miss anything.
THE TRUTH: Are you kidding? Mama isn't going to bed now. I'm going to finally enjoy what's left of my day by lounging on the couch eating Cadbury Mini-eggs and watching Top Chef. Oh how I love those chocolaty nuggets of yummy goodness. Now go to sleep so Mama can get on with the gluttony.
THE QUESTION: Mama? It's morning! Are you going to get out of bed now?
THE LIE: Not yet love. Mama has a headache. I'm going to lie here just a few more minutes and then I'll get up.
THE TRUTH: No. Apa will get up and make your breakfast because Mama stayed up much too late last night. I don't have a headache, I have a blogging hangover. Now leave me alone.
What kind of lies do you tell your kids? Come on... spill it so I can feel better about myself.