Thursday, July 17, 2008

mama the liar.

Moving on from all the high anxiety crap...

Before I had a child, little white lies made me feel queasy. I'm honest to a fault. I don't like to lie. Not about anything. Of course, I've done it, but I've never felt okay with it. Besides. I don't have a strong enough memory to be a good liar. I'm sure I'd trip myself up with a sequence of lies before I even got out of the gate.


Now that I have Csilla I have become a pathological liar.

I had no idea motherhood required so much blatant dishonesty. Don't believe me? Here are just a few of the lies I have told Csilla recently:

THE QUESTION: Who ate the last cupcake Mama? I thought you were saving it for me.
THE LIE: Oh honey, I'm sorry, but the cupcake went mouldy so Mama had to throw it away.
THE TRUTH: Mama is a greedy pig and ate it in one big bite before you could get your grubby little paws on it. Before you came along, Mama got to eat a dozen cupcakes at her leisure with no competition whatsoever. Now I have to inhale cupcakes while you're not looking.

THE QUESTION: Mama? I don't want to go to the dentist to have my cavity fixed. Will it hurt?
THE LIE: No sweetheart. It won't hurt at all! The dentist will be very gentle. In fact, it will be lots of fun because your dentist has an office made especially for kids with lots of toys and fun things to do.
THE TRUTH: Going to the dentist sucks, kid. Mama is going to get hopped-up on Tylenol before we go so that she can numb the stress and kill the impending headache. You're probably going to be miserable and Mama doesn't want to face it.

THE QUESTION: Are you going to bed now too Mama? I don't want to go to bed because I don't want to miss anything!
THE LIE: Yes honey. Mama is going to bed as soon as you fall asleep. You're not going to miss anything.
THE TRUTH: Are you kidding? Mama isn't going to bed now. I'm going to finally enjoy what's left of my day by lounging on the couch eating Cadbury Mini-eggs and watching Top Chef. Oh how I love those chocolaty nuggets of yummy goodness. Now go to sleep so Mama can get on with the gluttony.

THE QUESTION: Mama? It's morning! Are you going to get out of bed now?
THE LIE: Not yet love. Mama has a headache. I'm going to lie here just a few more minutes and then I'll get up.
THE TRUTH: No. Apa will get up and make your breakfast because Mama stayed up much too late last night. I don't have a headache, I have a blogging hangover. Now leave me alone.

What kind of lies do you tell your kids? Come on... spill it so I can feel better about myself.


Jennifer H said...

Oh, there are many!

The moldy cupcake is a classic. I think every mom has used that one.

"The toy store is closed" works in a pinch.

What always amazed me was how easy it is to tell the lie in that moment!

ciara said...

read my post 'a conversation with mini-me' that should make you feel less guilty.

Kaycie said...

Mine are past that gullible, mama-always-tells-the-truth stage. I kinda miss it.

We do still tell the kids we're talking when we're ah, um, well, you know.

Daryl said...

My parents lied to me?


ciara said...

well, small fibs aren't bad...silence can be golden in some cases LOL but, in regards to my convo w mini-me, i've tried to tell her before to talk w her dad. she says she can't cuz he's not like me...she can't open up to him. i have an open-door policy w my kids. it served me well w my 21 yr old, and it's doing pretty well w my girls.

hey, it's not like i've never done the whole moldy cupcake thing LOL oh wait, i just tell them..yeah, i ate it LOL of course they're older and wouldn't by the moldy trick.

lol @ kaycie...i used to do that, too.

Tammy said...

When my first was born a frined came up and said how beautiful my daughter was...every baby is beautiful right?! Well, I called her on it and she told me that she never tells a lie about a baby. At that time we had 5 babies born within a month and so another new Mom brought up her son to see our friend to which my friend promptly replied: "Wow! Look at that red hair!!!" I almost peed my pants I was trying so hard not to laugh!!!

Don't feel guilty though. We all tell them!!!

Kimberly said...

I would share some put you've posted my top three already!

Corey~living and loving said...

tee hee....ummmm yeah. I am fairly certian I lie a bit....but for the life of me...I can't think of a good one right now. LOL

great post though. made me giggle.

Potty Mummy said...

OK, firstly, so with you on the mini eggs. Yuuummmm.

Second, these are the lies:

1. No, having a blood sample taken won't hurt at all.
2. We're leaving RIGHT NOW!
3. We're leaving in 5 minutes!
4. Yes, of course that's medicine (not milk in teaspoon for your pretend headache)
5. That's beautiful, darling. I'll put it away so I can wear it when Papa and I next go out - I don't want to break it before-hand.
6. No, there are no vegetables in that.
7. No, of course yogurt doesn't have fruit in it.

And so on...

coastrat said...

So, I would say that you are a pretty typical adult parent, in the little white lie department, and still a pretty incredible soul in the people department! And I KNOW my people!

Jan said...

That was hilarious Carolyn. Of course mothers are liars. We have to be to survive. I can't get away with it anymore though. Mattie is on to me like anything. It isn't as fun when your caught.

I loved this post. You are so creative. Happy thoughts your way. And I am not lying.

Jen said...

Oh man! The lies I have told. I don't even know where to begin. I've told all the one's you have though, that's for sure!! I know I say, "in a minute" more often than not. Turns out, it's usually more like an hour before I get to it. Poor kid and dealing with my blogging addiction! Oh and I tell her things are chocolate or candy just so she'll at least freaking try them even though they are really vegetables or something of the sort. She is so darn picky!